Did I pull over, take stock, and plan out another route? Nope. I kept driving and hoped Waze would reroute me. It didn’t. Never assume competence, kids. Oh and CarPlay wasn’t connecting my phone to the screen either.

After about five goes around the same roundabout, by this point nearly running out of fuel, I admitted defeat and rang my husband. His suggestion? “Err, why don’t you just come off the motorway, drive to the supermarket and buy a phone holder for the dash?” It seemed so obvious after he said it.

I could have saved myself a lot of nerves if I had just done these things after the first go round the roundabout, instead of just carrying on and hoping for the best.

1. Stop. Actually stop. A crisis you keep driving through just breeds more crises, usually involving a fuel gauge, be that yours or your car’s.

2. Solved one thing at a time, in order: fuel, phone holder, route. Not all three at once AKA none of them while sniffling on the motorway.

3. (Possibly the most important one). Asked for help earlier. Using your initiative, obviously, is good. But if something didn’t work out after the first two attempts, chances are it won’t on the third, fourth, or fifth either. Rubber ducking with a live person or an actual rubber duck saves a lot of time and energy. (I should get a rubber duck for my car). 🦆

The daft part is I know all this at work. If something breaks, I calmly triage it. Put me on a dark motorway with a dead CarPlay and apparently all of that goes straight out the window 👋

Anyway. Phone’s stuck to the dash now. And I won’t assume Waze always knows what it’s doing ever again. Onwards. 🙋‍♀️

We'd all been handed a character to write about, and mine was a journalist called Magenta Quill.

You cannot give a twelve year old a name like Magenta Quill and then act surprised when things get imaginative.

So I wrote about her. And the comment came back from Mr Harter (name changed to protect identity) on the work, in pen: “too imaginative”.

TOO imaginative. In creative writing. I still wonder what he thought we were all doing there. 🤷‍♀️

Here's my favourite part of the story. I genuinely didn't care. I read it, shrugged, and got on with my life, the way you do at twelve when an adult says anything.

My dad, however, cared enormously. He moved me to a different school. (Dramatic? Maybe. But he read that comment and understood exactly what it does to a child over the years, even if the child in question was busy not caring at that point.)

Mr Harter still crosses my mind 26 years on, because "too much" doesn't stop when you leave school. It (sometimes) gets better manners, but it keeps on coming. You're too enthusiastic. Too many ideas. Too "intense"...

I notice how people file themselves down in response. Not because anyone sat them down and said "be less you", but because they picked up the signal and adjusted. I don't think most people could even name the moment it happened. They've just ended up with a permanent sense that the real version of them is somehow inappropriate, especially at work.

That is a shame, because the "too much" bit is usually the bit worth having.

The whimsy. The odd angle. In my case, the walrus-themed morning briefing that turns a boring task list into something I'll actually open. The filed-down version of a person is interchangeable with every other filed-down version, and that's the problem with it. The whacky bits are what set you apart. They make you, you.

So if you're sitting on feedback like this, separate the two questions: "Is this useful?" and "Is this asking me to be smaller?" are not the same question, and it's hard to tell them apart, especially early on. Useful feedback gives you something to do. "Be less you" just gives you something to carry. Do not pick it up.

If you are given that kind of opinion, tell them, as Mr Gilbert put it in The Inbetweeners: "Put your thoughts in any bin. They will reach me." 🗑️

Have you ever been told something was "too much"?

Why was it nerve-wracking? Because it was someone I admire and had been wanting to talk to for a while. And I’m British. I always feel like I’m going to put my foot in it.

In my head before the call: What if I say something stupid? What if I ruin it?

I did it anyway. You can’t be the kid standing at the top of the water slide afraid to go down. You’ve got to go down the chute.

That’s a Tina Fey quote (I only have a vague idea who Tina Fey is, but I know this quote, and it’s a good one).

Sometimes you just have to do things. Just do them. Even when, especially when, your brain is telling you every possible reason why it might go wrong. 🎢

Go down that chute.

Just do the thing you’ve been standing at the top of, working yourself up about.

What I hadn’t accounted for: staying in a Riad with no lock on the door means the laptop goes everywhere with you.

It went to the souk. It went to the desert. It went to the Yves Saint Laurent garden. It even went on the back of a camel.

Did I learn much? The hell I did. I got one session in under the starlight in the freezing cold desert (it was February) because the only time I had to do it was the middle of the night.

Did it pay off? I doubt it.

I’m not saying don’t grind. Sometimes grind is needed. But get the balance right. Don't take your laptop on a camel. That's not necessary. Be in the place you’re actually in.

If you’re learning something right now, be that coding, a language, or anything else, yes - the consistency matters. But so does living your life. One missed day in the Moroccan desert is not going to derail you. Burning yourself out trying to squeeze in a session at midnight in the freezing cold might.

Go outside. Touch grass (Or sand). Don’t forget to live your life. That’s it.

It’s easy to get caught in the ‘I’ll just finish this and then I’m done” trap. But done is a myth.

You can do the laundry, but what about the clothes you are wearing? You can reply to all your emails, but someone will send another one as right as you’re about to log off. At some point, you have to choose to jump off the carousel or you will be on it forever. 🎠

I’m not saying don’t hustle. There’s a time to grind. Just be intentional. What do you actually need (or want) to finish today?

Spend time wisely, and spend it on yourself, too. And please, go outside if you can. 🪻

Despite hundreds of hours of lessons and trying probably most instructors in the country, I didn't even attempt the practical test until I was 34 (passed the theory test about five times though, because I kept letting it lapse 🤦‍♀️). When I eventually did it, I passed first time. Here's how, because I think it applies to more than just driving tests.

🧠 Before you go in

Big yourself up (literally), and stretch. Taking up space makes you feel powerful. Tell yourself you can do it. I know how that sounds. It works anyway.

🎵 Have a ring walk song.

There’s a reason boxers do it. If in doubt, Eye of the Tiger will do. Or you can borrow mine if you want: Serial Thrilla by The Prodigy. A track containing the lyrics, “Serial thrilla, serious killer!!” may seem like a strange choice for a driving test, it worked for me.

😬 Smile

I hate to say this because I’m not generally a smiler, but it did help (annoyingly).

😃 Crack a joke

Mine was about a buddleia being in the way of the number plate I had to read. Maybe he was a gardener too. Who knows? It doesn’t need to be a good joke. It just needs to exist.

🔥 Pretend you’re confident

Just for the next ten minutes. Or 40 if we’re dealing with a UK driving test.

I rubbed the kerb three times during my test. Could the examiner have failed me? Absolutely. But he didn’t, presumably because I’d managed to convince him I was a competent driver, even if I wasn’t necessarily demonstrating it at that particular moment. (Or maybe he just wanted to make sure he’d never have to see me again. Either way, end goal achieved.) 🚗 ✅

The same approach works for a lot of things. Going to a meetup when you don’t know anyone. Turning up to an interview. Commenting on someone’s post when you’re worried about sounding silly. Starting a conversation at a conference when you’d rather be looking at your phone or going home to your cat and a good book (my default state). 🐱

The confidence doesn’t have to be real. It just has to be convincing enough to get you through the door.

Once you’re through the door, the rest tends to follow. 🚪